Sunday, November 01, 2015

About Old Thought

Do not judge or you too, will be judged. Matthew 6:24.

If you look it from the outside point of view, you would probably think, how pitiful. She's all alone, where are her children? How could her children leave her alone?

Now, wait a minute, do not judge too quickly. In fact do not judge at all, for you do not know the whole situation. I know that the truth is so hard not too judge, our brain seems to process immediately of what we see and makes something out of what we see, read or hear. So I suppose there's good judging and bad judging and it can be quite difficult to differentiate.

I have lived long enough in this orb, more than 88 years altogether. I have gone too many ups and down in life to count and I am still here.  I survived through .  I spend most of my days alone and that is my choice, it is what I want.  I like to live in this house where I am staying, whether alone and with more people in the house.  I do have to depend on others to take me out, my sole transport vehicle has been stripped off  from me after I got into an accident that left me with stitches. To be fair, it was a kid bike and I got hit by a car.

Don't judge me or the situation too quickly yet. I have a large family and most of them care deeply about me. To begin with, my husband passed away nearly 25 years ago. I have 9 adult children, all are married with 23 grandchildren in total, many of which are married with children too. There are close to 20 great grandchildren I have.  I probably haven't seen some for years, I see many more regularly. Yes, it's a huge family that I have and what an irony life is that I do not see them much.  I do not see much of those who live in the same time as well. Everyone is always busy with something. Some of my children from out of town do come and pay me a visit whenever they have time. My siblings are around here too.

I have to live with my one of my sons, that's the way it should be according to Chinese tradition. I understand that the others can't move in with me or near me and are not expected to do so, because they have family and commitments. Serious commitments that can't easily be altered.  Most of them live in different cities. They have family and jobs, therefore they have responsibilities, that's the way they should be. They want me to stay with them, temporarily or permanently. Unfortunately, these arrangements are not things that I view as best at the moment.  I believe this is the best possible way for all. Irregardless how little this happiness is and how worry my caring children are of me staying mostly alone.

Don't think that I am lonely, I am a firm believer of being alone is not the same as being lonely. There are people are that are surrounded by many and yet the loneliness remains in their heart. You can find peace and serenity when you are on your own. People, whether they are family or not, can be a nuisance, a distraction, an annoyance. People can be so persistent with what they think and believe in that sometimes can be damaging in relationship. I am healthy and am able to do many things myself and that should be respected.

As life goes on, like everyone else I continue this traveling in life.

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