Tuesday, September 08, 2015

About Having Kids

I came across a written thought by someone about how people without kids have empty lives. The writer stated that she respected their decision not to have children but she thinks that they miss out the joy of loving someone unconditionally. Under the article, I noticed some of the labels were babies, parenthood, having kids.  Further down, there are  more than 2000 many comments that basically say that the writer was ignorant. I did not read all the comments, but many of the recent ones, are not in the same position.  Let me begin by saying, she is entitled to have her opinion.

It seems rather obvious that this person talks about babies and toddler. She is probably not aware that cuteness stops at 5 years old. She is likely has not gone through teenage years as well. While many are good, some teenage kids are really nightmare. Some decide to quit school and just hang around.  I read, just a couple of days ago, some children behaved well until they turned 18. This boy, moved out of the house, decided not to go to college and made a 16-year old girl pregnant. Yup, there are drug and alcohol problems too. Some people blame that on the parents, some view that it is not parents' fault. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I believe that everyone's thought is largely shaped by the experiences they have collected. But the world is large, the data population is enormous. There are so many, too many different cases. I would say anything is possible, it's hard to put all in one box. It's like a blind man concludes that elephant is flat simply because he touches the elephant's ear  only, instead of the whole body.

And wait till the kids hit 20s! You think that they become mature and things start to get better? Not necessarily. Some of them go to bed so late and get up when the sun is up and I have had two meals. Their second parents, named Internet and peers, help them justify everything they do. It does not matter that the parents have set up excellent example of living a proper life. These kids, at 20 something, think that they know EVERYTHING, more than they parents do. They just, sometimes, do not have money and they do not have job. They also have no house yet, so they have to stay with you and ask for some allowances every now and then. They do as little chores as possible, if not zero.

It's not over yet until the fat lady sings, at least for some. There are some ungrateful human beings out there. Some "children" continue to be problematic even after they reach 60. I have seen a few around me, some 60 plus that continue troubling their parents and siblings. Endless problems of theirs become someone else's problems too. The minute no help is given, they start terrorizing family members. When ultimatum is given, they call it a threat and they turn things around and make it like it is your fault and you are a bad, bad, really bad person. They continuously create problems for the people that love and care about them.

I never knew the challenges that I could have with having kids. I was very young and naive. I was under the assumptions that kids are all about joy. It seemed like it was part of my culture to have kids after you get married; that was just the next thing.  I have learned, however, that the pains were not just on having contractions and giving birth. The pains were not simply on feeding and lack of sleep. The babies do not come with a manual that prepare you to be parents or better parents. It doesn't caution you to be prepared of, in some cases, the hurtful words hurled upon you when she/he can speak and when they think they know everything and you know less. Also, there is no warning that sometimes your heart could be so wounded and you could start questioning yourself if you are out of your mind for feeling that way.

Would I have kids if I knew what it takes? I say yes, because I simply have known my kids and would not want otherwise. It is not their choice to be brought into this world, it is our choice to have them. Having said that, we also have to take what's given, we can not choose which ones to have.  Big eyes, shorter legs, with great talents or no talent at all, dimple or no dimples. So, we look after them. We take good care of them whether they want it or not. We are human, we are not perfect. We can only try our best. We deal with what we have, until we can not deal anymore.

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